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YALORT

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YALORT is a dragon deity who created the lingons (as his first race) and humans. All worlds inhabited by humans will invariably have a Yalortian presence. The religion that worships him is known as Yalortism.

YALORT is characterised as being rather apathetic, and possessing a sometimes cruel sense of humour. Interpretations of him vary, but it's rare that a Yalortian priest will speak praises of his niceness and kindness. He usually takes the appearance of an enormous dragon covered in green fur, with black stripes like a tiger. He has large black feathery wings, and a sly glint in his ruby hued eyes. His mouth tends to be twisted into a mischievous - or perhaps malicious - smile. The 'Eye of YALORT' is his Holy Symbol, and his followers are known as Yalortians. They dress in black robes emblazoned with the Eye.

The "Ten" Commandments of YALORT

Rewritten by the High Priest Pseudolonewolf, but directly from the mouth of YALORT himself (he's sober this time), here are the Ten Commandments by which we must live! And stuff. Obey them or die, put simply. And memorise them too.

  1. Thou shalt not even *think* about worshipping any other god but YALORT.
  2. Thou shalt obey every word uttered by YALORT without exception.
  3. Thou shalt not think for thyself.
  4. Thou shalt not use the name of YALORT in vain, except when desired.
  5. Thou shalt not conform to be cool.
  6. Thou shalt dress and act exactly as we tell thee, lest ye be excommunicated.
  7. Thou shalt not damn well swear.
  8. Thou shalt abstain from all kinds of alcoholic beverages!
  9. Thou shalt embrace knowledge, regardless of the views of others.
  10. Thou shalt be celibate, unless this is not thy wish.
  11. Thou shalt take heed of all of the Holy days of YALORT.
  12. Thou shalt declare thyself as a 'Yalortian' in the 'religion' section of forms!
  13. Thou shalt pay homage to YALORT at least once a week, officially or privately.
  14. Thou shalt not slay any living creatures.
  15. Thou shalt embrace pacifism, and thou shalt not solve disputes with physical violence.
  16. Thou shalt stay calm and control thy emotions.
  17. Thou shalt not be a glutton, or think with a greedy mind. Possessions mean little.
  18. Thou shalt not hold the sexual orientation of others against them.
  19. Thou shalt judge a thing by its values, or lack thereof, rather than its assumed connotations.
  20. Thou shalt learn and use spelling and grammar!
  21. Thou shalt not be promiscuous!
  22. Thou shalt not endorse capitalism.
  23. Thou shalt not think that thou art better than everyone else. Thou are not.
  24. Thou shalt not enjoy sport, lest thou anger YALORT.
  25. Thou shalt remember that the beasts and animals are thine equals.
  26. Thou shalt not use any mind-affecting narcotics.
  27. Thou shalt always capitalise 'YALORT'.
  28. Thou shalt not use Americanisms!!

Trivia

  • Many NPCs use 'YALORT' instead of 'god' as in 'ohmyYALORT'.
  • His devoted priests have glowing green eyes.
  • YALORT is usually depicted with glowing red eyes, even though his symbol, the Eye of YALORT, is actually green.
  • Around 2016, Fig Hunter secretly replaced the website section with a message saying "Sadly, YALORT has died. Alas. Mourn not for Him, for he mourneth not for thee."

See also

External links

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