Solaar/P-Dialogue

Levels[]

Level 20[]

Solaar: Why have not we foundified the Dark Crystal yet?! I am getting worried and worrieder about not having done this! The world - or many! - are at risk of annihilation with that about in a demon's hands!

Mardek: Well, don't worry! We'll find it eventually! It must be hard being a Guardian and knowing your crystals' gone.

Solaar: ...Guardian?

Ah! Righty! That thing! A Guardian. An Guardy. I am that. I am the Guardian of the Dark Crystal and it is my fruity duty to protectify the thing as if it were my own wriggling little pup. Full of slime and meeping for fat grubs, positively meeping.

Mardek: Hey Solaar... Why are you Light if you're the Dark Guardian? I thought that Guardians were the same element as their crystals...

Solaar: Are they supposed to be? I mean, yes, yes, yes, that's true! They are. But I'm not Dark, no no. Why I'm not? Erm... I don't know! It's just the Fates playing games, let's say!

EITHER THAT or I have some kind of MYSTEEEERIOUS PAST thingy-wing! WOOOO! Oof. Woof.

Mardek: Well... Do you?

Solaar: Don't we all?!?

Mardek: Well... I don't, really. My past is fairly boring and was mostly revealed in the game anyway.

Solaar: Good goggles, you're getting off into bizarro land there. I don't make sense of it at all. Why don't we just continue onwards with our questish things, eh, hmmmmm?

Level 25[]

Solaar: Yes, my leg-lacking lackey? I mean, bi-legged friend. Thing. Do you need aught-y-thing?

Mardek: Well... I was wondering, are you a boy dog or a girl dog?

Solaar: ...Woof? I don't acquire your meaning there, buddy man. What is a boy dog and/or a girl dog? Those words are strange to me. Can you explainerise the difference to me?

Mardek: Well, I'm not really sure myself! But I think that girl dogs like flowers and wear bows in their hair, but boy dogs like woofing and barking and chasing things! But so do some girl dogs, so I don't know.

Solaar: I like flowers and fighting! Even fighting flowers! But not flowers fighting. That's wrong. I can't wear or wield a bow, though, because I lack arms, look? See? I make up for it by havifying many-a-leg. Double pairs!

Mardek: So you're a girl and a boy? I don't get it!

Rohoph: Sigh... This ridiculous ignorance is-... Look, I mean, what is your *gender*?

Solaar: Oh, you should know full well, Mr Spirit-Shifted Annunaki, that we have no gender! You don't either! You're not even a Mr! Or a mrrr! Mrrrrr. I adorate that noise. But no! Stop! Wait! This 'gender' is a quaint and bizarre anomaly common to silly simple species sometimes!

Asking me my sexy gender is like... Like... Wellies, I am of the Bright caste, so what, Mrrr Human Knight-time, is your caste? What caste are you?

Mardek: Huh? Caste?

Solaar: EXACTLY!! It's a non-concept to you! You don't know. You don't have one. I don't have a sex-caste either. A gender. Again-there. I am One. We are all One. We can all be One together, me and my kind! You know!!

Mardek: ...Talking to you is really hard.

Solaar: Well THANKS A LOT! For all the fish too! Not that you gave me any! Wah! I think maybe we should resume our searchification for that glum, mopey, dark-dark rock I'm meant to be overseeing, eh? Who know who it's bully-wullying while we prattle on like milkmaids. Not that I know what they are because I don't understand gender. Or humans. Anyway!

Level 30[]

Solaar: Woof, bark, arf, barf, howl, moo, squeak, buff, woof, chuff, tweet. Woof. I am an animal in your world, aren't I yes? Aught here with more legs than the piddly norm is a brutish beast, a dimwit, an un-sentient. It seems. Looks. Appears.

Mardek: Well, why can you talk, anyway? What are you? I thought you were a dog or a wolf.

Solaar: But, why, but, they can't talk! I don't know what they are. I can talk. LA LA LA LA LA. Locute, locute! It is a gift, the words, and particulisciously remarkable that despite our differences in birth homes, we utter by the same tongue and the meaning is carried effecterously affably! What-ho, such wonders!

Mardek: You... are from somewhere that isn't here? Did you just say that?

Solaar: Why yes, I'm an Aruan, from Kalhu, but oh bog-buggering gutterslop, I should not have told you this just yet! Though the signs are vehemently clear to even the dopiest of dim-witted dingleberries.

Mardek: ...Huh?

Solaar: Does the way I loquate elude and bebogglify you, humankind-typed man beast? Pray my pardon; it's been a good, mean, nasty long while since I talked at length to any liferous soulmeat, and Aruans tend to dizzle-dazzle and razzle-tazzle about an eccentric wavelength.

Though I gamble you'd not quite noticised this.

Mardek: You're an odd one, Solaar! I like that about you.

Solaar: Good grandma, I rejoice! I'd 'fraid you hardly absorbed my rambling, that mayhaps I were but a pest. But maybe it is best. Anyway. That you don't grasp or clasp quite what I'm on and off and on again about. In the future, you may see more. Know more. Understand.

Mm, yes, future... I dread that muchly. You see, the Dark Crystal was part of a prophecy which, if not untrue, not that it would be, could bring about the end of all! Or our sparkly spiral in the void of all voids, at least.

A Dark One will steal it, will resurrectify as a big, bad wolf, the biggest and baddest of them all... A shiny-winy bright bright light might stop it, both forces from here, this speck of cosmic rock. Or so the Seer saw.

Will I be the Light? Will you? Will wills me to ensure I be it, as well as my Elders, those will it too, mayhaps, yet... yet... this is all confusing. It could be some other else thing. Who knows? Not I! And certainly not you!

Mardek: I don't really have a clue what you're talking about.

Solaar: I'd be worried to the hells and back if you did! You shouldn't! It's not time. What it IS time for is to carry on! Let's carry on. Questing. Woof.

Locations[]

Before defeating the Mystery Man[]

Solaar: Come, quick quick! We must defeaterise the vilious villain who threatens to take the Dark Crystal! Quick, quick! To the Crystal Room afore it's too late!

Events/areas not listed below[]

Solaar: Remember, please, that I am with you because I need to findify the Dark One who stealerised the Dark Crystal! Please look for any signs that point to where he and/or it is!

Goznor[]

Solaar: Oh wowsers! A village-town of human beings! They all seem to be livifying life to a non-minimal extent, if you would care to capture my drifting!

Mardek: ...Huh?

Solaar: Even I don't know what I meaned by that one.

Canonia[]

Solaar: This place scents like moss and humans living alively. It's calming and pleasansing.

Cambria[]

Solaar: The dust in this palaeolithic subterrane is agitaterising my nostril holes!

Aaa-CHOOzy-woozy!!

Sun Temple[]

Solaar: Sniff, sniff! Whiff, whiff. I scent a sun here. More than outside, even. THE Sun. God of them all. I like SOLAK's smelly smell. Smells like... warmingness. Pure warmingness caressing my olfactory bulbs, like a gentle gardener who'd just been frying a pie.

Xantusia[]

Solaar: Why are all you fellow sentient types always vertically specialised and 'bi' in the pedular department? Two-legged! Where are all we quadrupeds?! I feel so stuck out! O woe!

Sandflow Caves[]

Solaar: Sand flows. Time flows. Life flows. Things flow! They don't flow up, though. A big old bugger, that.

Spaceship ????[]

Solaar: Oh, you'd LUST me to tell you all about this enigma of a place, I'd gamble! I'm a-scared it's just too nasty for you, however, that I cannot assuage your cat-snuffing-sense at this time.

Dark Temple[]

Solaar: For many moons I've dwelt here, a beacon in the ink, protector of its heart. I loathed the nightness and wanted to get out, but seeing it now gone pains me more than its presence ever did. Whine...

Warport[]

Solaar: Warping is always funtastic! I have afore warped many time further than we'll warp this day, but all are as satisfying as any other to me! Size doesn't matter, I say! Starshines wide or oceans narrow, I'm switched from Off mode by all! Hooray!

Aeropolis[]

Solaar: It is hotterific! Pant pant! Trouser trouser. Knickers. Woof.

Saul's Dungeon[]

Solaar: Oh mighty marching midgets of Malsat's misty mangroves! This death-botherer's hovel-place looks to be crawling with shambling undeady-deads! Let us tryify to not become them also!

Lifewood[]

Solaar: The ebb and flow of the stream of life is as strong as something marvellously strengthful and potent here in this lovely wood! The flourishing flora are aflare with Nature's flair!

Crimson Peak[]

Solaar: You may expect me to be panting, but alas I won't let you be seeing that because it won't be going to happen! I've frolicked in furnaces, sautered on star's faces, so this heat can't beat even the pads on my feet! Woof.

Water Temple/Fire Temple/Earth Temple (before taking the crystals)[]

Solaar: We are going after a Crystal, yes, but it is not mine! Mine mine mine! Yes, this is deadly, but yesser is the fact that MORE life will die if we don't find the dark one and the Dark One! Please hurrify your searchy-wearch!!

Water Temple/Fire Temple/Earth Temple (after taking the crystals)[]

Solaar: Look! See! Behold! Spy! THIS is what I try to prevent, but worse, on a grander scale! It soils our minds, we so aurically-attuned, to witness such elemental devastation! I can feel the holes in reality, O woe! So empty. A void. Longing.

Lost Monastery[]

Solaar: Spirits, spirits, spirits all a-wandering... Forever a sorry sight when the flesh-bound are deprived of their shells. Fould, figgy magicks make their mischief here in this one-of-many doomlord's demesnes...

Miasmal Citadel[]

Solaar: I am drastically distressed by this place! Ne'er have I spied such souls abundant! Flesh-bound ones, that is, which lack the flesh to which they are bound. Not even dust, not even dust... They'll dispersify when they feel they can. I hope!