Clarence RPG: Clarence's Unsurprising Marital Problems is an RPG which Pseudolonewolf is working on and is the sequel of Clarence's Big Chance.


The story - such as it was - of Clarence's Big Chance ended - canonically - with Clarence marrying the girl he'd stalked and lied his way into the pants of.

The RPG acts as a sequel carrying on from there. His wife - canonically called 'Sally' even though she could have three possible names in CBC - is understandably becoming rather fed up with having a dim-witted oaf for a husband, and starts to doubt whether it will work out in the long term.

The game begins with the pair going out to a fancy restaurant together, to try and bring some spark back into their marriage, but it proves to be tedious for Sally. While getting frustrated at Clarence, a nice man starts talking to her and genuinely amusing her and cheering her up. He's not some suave flirtatious sex animal; he's bookish and stodgy, but nice and polite... unlike Clarence.

His name is Ernest Love, and Sally starts growing attached to him simply because he's everything that Clarence is not.

The game then revolves around Clarence trying to dig up dirt about this man and generally ruin his life, in order to get his wife back, for entirely selfish and amoral reasons.



Clarence and Sally battle a Thug and Doggles.

The game is meant to be non-violent: the battles use the same mechanical concepts - hit points, skills that deal damage, turns, etc - but rather than representing bloodshed and spell flinging, they represent *social interactions*.

Rather than having HP, characters would have 'willpower' instead, and rather than having elemental skills like fire, water, etc, each skill would have an emotional 'flavour' like 'happy', 'angry', 'friendly', 'disgusting', and so on. Characters and enemies would have weaknesses and resistances to these like creatures do to elements in MARDEK. Skills themselves would have names like 'Smile' or 'Jiggle' or 'Insult'; and rather than having stats like 'strength' and 'spirit' and 'speed', characters would have 'Charisma' (to determine the power of positive, friendly skills), 'Obnoxiousness' (to determine the power of negative, annoying skills), and 'Perkiness' (speed).



  • Smile
  • Offend
  • Ogle
  • Dirty Joke



  • Pink Shirt
  • Chequered Shirt
  • Plain Shirt
  • Designer Shirt
  • Hawaiian Shirt
  • Offensive T-Shirt
  • Office Trousers
  • Lucky Pants
  • Clarence's Clogs


  • Bag o' Crisps
  • Jupitar Bar
  • Slice o' Cake
  • Juicy Apple
  • Bottled Water
  • Cocaine Cola
  • Ham Sandwich
  • Hamburger
  • Roast Chicken
  • Red Pill
  • Blue Pill
  • Golden Pill
  • Slapping Trout
  • Slapping Shark


Pseudolonewolf did all the necessary planning, wrote the whole plot, and coded the whole engine, however he got stuck on designing the map layout, and has moved on to work on other game projects for the time being.

Since then, he has been working on Miasmon along with Clarence RPG at the same time.